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| "When holding on feels more like a crime than hope...let go and let ithe all break...you can't fix something that's not broken💔💔" |
It's what he used to call me
What he used to call me
Funny how I never fancied it much when anyone would call me that before cause I used to think it made me feel too girly... and that's not me..right?
But that was before
That was before him
That was before I sold my soul to the devil and expected rainbows and sunshine in return yet from the beginning of time the stories have always been told...
"He can only throw ya into a pit of fire and fry ya up, till ya burn extra crispy. .."
What the bloody he'll was i thinking??
But please understand, he said it all too beautifully that,each time he said it,the ground shifted right underneath my feet, my knees got week and I swear I could see the stars in the middle of the day... insane right? But just like so, i was sold!
I can still hear his voice at the back of my mind calling me out softly ,"baby girl,listen.."
Ya see, I used to be a very secure,guarded and fenced up girl...
I had built a giant wall tight around my heart keeping me safe from heaven and hell cause I never wanted to find meself in a state of vulnerability singing songs like "say ya love me" and "poison" on repeat as though my entire daily routine depended on it... the usual cliché of a broken hearted girl;- coupled with ice cream and chocolate.... #num
But then he happened, and he called me all those names and expected me to just love him and not fall in love with him... ya expect too much out people love
I mean seriously, which girl has a heart of stone cause am certain no girl could ever resist the sweet sound of his voice and the irresistible touch of his hands...
Ohh, but the day he said it,the day he called me his "Babegirl," that was the day I sold my soul to the devil...
It's no wonder am burning up right now with my heart on fire and my chest about to explode...
I cant keep it together but am putting up a face because I raised me too well
Too well to, know that it's not always that the world has to look at ya and read yar entire pain....
It's not always that we would all be on the north pole together holding hands and reciting chorinthians 13.. now, no!
sometimes I gotta stand and remain standing regardless of the forces pushing and pulling me...
I gotta smile and feel as though my entire life isn't been sucked right out of me...
Sometimes I just gotta be the poetry that i write...
The music that i sing
The smile that i give
The beauty that i feel..
Even when it hurts to the bone...
And thus I know that this too will end and the scars will heal and eventually all this will be but a beautiful memory that i will cherish and smile at one day... and for that, I know I have to let ya go and find yarself and be happy,this I pray for...
..selfless, i know...but it seems to be the one thing I do around ya... the wonder of it all keeps haunting me...
And when that time comes, i will look back and thank ya for that which ya called me...
For it played a big part in making me the woman I am today...
Pitty I really loved been yar Babe girl....
~Bonze-Bav
I loved. I lived. I gave it my all. And yes I didn't fail cause I didn't stop shoRte. I won. Love is like poker, sometimes you win but other times you just loose... but such is life. Now whether you go and jump off a cliff afterwards is what defines you❤❤❤❤
My advice: love. Love. Love. And love some more ❤❤❤❤
